Making marriage work…..

Well, three years may not be a long marriage, but my husband and I have fought like pigs all through this time to let the on-lookers (yeah, we shamelessly fight in front of everyone in the family), believe that we will most likely call it quits the next minute. Come to think of it, we probably would’ve gone over that thing in head once or twice and made up after sulking for some time. Most fights do not last the night but the handful of them that have extended to the next day have also been resolved with mutual reasoning.

I am surprised we are having to work this hard to make things work between us. We have known each other for quite some time now (7 years), almost know each other’s dark secrets from our days of being bestest friends et al. But when we became man and wife, I think a lot many things changed there. We took the friend in the other for granted, became run-of-the-mill couple. We ran out of things to discuss – I remember the days when we would have everything to talk under the sun, needed each other’s opinions, listened when the other spoke. I remember having once told Sri that I like that very quality in him – he listens. He does, probably even now, but nothing is enough for me. I always end up wanting more. I want more of his time – I could actually sit with a book for hours together – but I am willing to give that up for just an extra hour of being with him.

Now, that is an unhealthy sign because I am sacrificing my personal development and forcing Sri to forgo his as well. What development he is after, I don’t know. Most times it is his friends – hanging out with a mug of beer. I guess, I am psyched at the thought that I am not able to tag along, with Aditi at home and all. All excuses. I am plain jealous – I have admitted this to Sri and told him that I will only slowly get out of it and till then not do all outrageous outings without me. The problem is things crop up now and then, a friend is in town the weekend, a new client wants to discuss something over a mug of beer in the poshest of the pubs….things he can’t decline. Why would he? I act like this super-human when I tell him, “You do what you must”, heart-of-hearts wanting him to stay back and baby-sit Aditi as I would’ve had a long day at office too.

In the meanwhile, guilt eats me that I am not able to extend help to my exhausted parents-in-law, because Aditi has given them a hard day too. She is all charged up on seeing me home and I do not want to have late-nights during weekdays – which translates to additional responsibility for parents-in-law. I also love to cook, so I want dinner on me most days – my little to help my in-laws relax the evenings. I am torn.

What a rant!!! I feel so good after getting it out of my system.